First draft. NOT for release (but leaked through a bizarre email accident to Nick Griffin)
Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, Suckers:
We are 15 years into this new century. Nearly fifteen years covering up the truth about the terror of 9/11 which gave your real rulers the excuse to drag a new generation of poor young kids and middle class taxpayers into fighting two long and costly wars; fifteen years of a vicious recession cause by my banking friends who have made ordinary people in spread across our nation and the world pay for their greed and corruption. It has been a hard time for many – and it’s going to get a lot worse yet.
For tonight, we turn the page. Tonight, after another dismal year for America, the bankers are making money again. We’re creating low-paid, insecure jobs at the fastest pace since 1999. (Applause.) So many people have totally given up on finding real work that our unemployment statistics are now lower than it was before the financial crisis. More of our kids are graduating with useless degrees and gigantic millstones of debt than ever before.
Fear of falling sick in this cruel land is so great that more of our people are insured than ever before, making huge profits for more elite crooks who make fortunes from diseases that could actually be prevented or cured. (Applause.) And we’ve wrecked so much of our children’s heritage by fracking that just for a couple of years we are as free from the grip of foreign oil as we’ve been in almost 30 years. (Applause.) Although the steep decline of production of fracked oil wells means that we’ll soon have to invade even more of the Middle East to keep the oil flowing to lubricate the most wasteful economy the world has ever seen (Applause).
Tonight, for the first time since 9/11, our combat mission in Afghanistan is over, just in time to get stuck back into Iraq. (Applause.) Six years ago, nearly 180,000 American troops served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Thousands have come back in body bags or without limbs, so we salute the courage and sacrifice of every man and woman in this 9/11 Generation who has served to make mega-profits for Halliburton. (Applause.) We can’t see any other reason for your service.
America, for all that we have endured; for all the grit and hard work required to come back; for all the bloodshed that lies ahead, know this: Things are about to get a whole lot worse, because my resolve to start World War Three is strong. (Stormy Applause.)
At this moment — with our Saudi paymasters running a hidden war on Us oil production that will cause massive defaults by shale energy firms and break our banking system – the short-lived and limp recovery from recession is about to come to a grinding halt as bad as any nation on Earth. It’s now up to me to choose who is going to pay for this shambles over the next 15 years and for decades to come.
Will we accept an economy where only a few of us do spectacularly well? Absolutely! Or will we commit ourselves to an economy that generates rising incomes and chances for everyone who makes the effort? Aw, come on folks, get with the program! (Applause.)
Will we approach the world fearful and reactive, dragged into costly conflicts that strain our military and set back our standing? You got it! Or will we lead wisely, using all elements of our power to defeat new threats and protect our planet? No, that’s that mo’fucka Putin’s game and we ain’t having nuttin to do with it!
Will we allow ourselves to be sorted into factions and turned against one another? Right again, just look at how how buddy Geroge Soros has been funding #BlackLives Matter. Hell, by the time he’s finished you dumbfucks’ll be so busy hating each other that we’ll be able to sell your kidneys and you won’t even notice!
In two weeks, I will send this Congress a budget filled with measures to put this country on a total war footing. And in the months ahead, I’ll crisscross the country making the case for perpetual war. So tonight, I want to focus less on a checklist of proposals, and focus more on the values at stake in the choices before us.
It begins with our economy. Seven years ago, Rebekah and Ben Erler of Minneapolis were newlyweds. (Laughter.) She waited tables. He worked construction. Their first child, Jack, was on the way. They were young and in love in America. And as naïve as most Americans about how the System screw them senseless. “If only we had known,” Rebekah wrote to me last spring, “what was about to happen to the housing and construction market.”
As the crisis worsened, Ben’s business dried up, so he took what jobs he could find, even if they kept him on the road for long stretches of time. Rebekah took out student loans and enrolled in community college, and retrained for a new career. They sacrificed for each other. And slowly, the paid for the Banksters’ crisis. They bought their first home. They had a second son, Henry. Rebekah got a better job and then a raise. Ben is back in construction — and home for dinner every night.
“It is amazing,” Rebekah wrote, “what you can bounce back from when you have to…we are a strong, tight-knit family who has made it through some very, very hard times.” We are a strong, tight-knit family and our boys will soon be old enough to be drafted for the Endless War to make the Middle East safe for the big oil companies and illegal Israeli settlements from the Nile to the Euphrates. We just hope there’ll still be some space left in Arlington”
America, Rebekah and Ben’s story is your story, suckers. They represent the millions who have worked hard and scrimped, and sacrificed and got tooled. You are the reason that I ran for this office. You are the people I was thinking of six years ago today, in the darkest months of the crisis, when I stood on the steps of this Capitol and wondered how the hell we were going to stop the whole thing sinking without clawing some big bucks out first. And it has been your resilience, your effort that has made it possible for us to do it.
We believed we could reverse the tide of outsourcing by my corporate buddies and draw even more immigrants to our shores to keep your wages as low as possible. And over the past five years, we’ve done just that. (Applause.)
We believed we could reduce our dependence on foreign oil and protect our planet. And today, America is number one in oil and gas and a quick look at Dakota shows just how much we care about the environment. America is number one in wind power, which is another junk technology which nevertheless makes the rich even richer thanks to subsidies paid by everyone else (Applause.) And thanks to lower gas prices and higher fuel standards, the typical family this year should save about $750 at the pump. It ain’t gonna last and it’s nothing to do with me, but I’m taking the credit anyway. (Applause.)
We believed we could prepare our kids for a more competitive world. And today, our younger students earn math and reading scores way below that of most Asian countries. We’ve lowered standards so much that our high school graduation rate has hit an all-time high. More Americans finish college deep in debt than ever before. (Applause.)
That’s what elite economics is — the fiction that this country does best when everyone gets their fair shot, everyone does their fair share, everyone plays by the same set of rules, while in reality it’s all organised for the elite who pull my strings and the strings of these assholes in the audience. (Applause.) We don’t want everyone to share in America’s success, we want everyone to contribute to OUR success. (Applause.)
So what do elite economics require in our time?
First, elite economics means taxing working families to pay for benefits for millions of uneduatable, unemployable bums. It means helping those bums afford childcare, college, health care, a home, and retirement. All at the expense of a working middle class tax base being shrunk by demographic change and growing job insecurity.
And my budget will speed up this process. Obamacare. Lenin would’ve loved it. (Applause.)
At every step, we were told our goals were misguided or too ambitious; that we would crush jobs and explode deficits. Instead, by letting the Fed crank up the printing presses, we’ve created a stock market bubble and racked up US debt to highs that no-one would have dared dream of just a few years ago. This is good news, bankers. (Laughter and applause.)
So the verdict is clear. Elite economics works for the elite. And these policies will continue to work as long as the people don’t get in the way, which is why we never miss an opportunity to propagandize for gun control. We can’t put the security of our friends at risk by leaving effective weapons in the hands of the masses, just as we can’t put their profits at risk by accepting any limits on immigration. And if a bill comes to my desk that threatens any elite interest, I will veto it. It will have earned my veto. (Applause.)
Today, thanks to the Fed’s tsunami of bogus QE dollars, some of the jerks out there think that there’s a real recovery. But here’s the thing: Those of us here tonight, we need to set our sights higher than just making sure government doesn’t screw things up; we need to take steps that puts Big Government in such a strong position that no one can do anything about it when we do. We need a place in a FEMA camp for EVERY American who can still think for themselves. (Applause.)
Because families like Rebekah’s are cattle who can still be milked and bled some more. She and Ben are working as hard as ever, but they’ve had to forego vacations and a new car so that they can pay off student loans and pay their fair share of our $100 Billion War for corporate profit and Israel, you know, that “War on Terror”. Friday night pizza, that’s a big splurge. Basic childcare for Jack and Henry costs more than their mortgage, and almost as much as a year at the University of Minnesota. Like millions of hardworking Americans, Rebekah still has more to give us.
And in fact, at every moment of economic change throughout our history, this country’s real rulers have taken bold action to adapt to new circumstances and to make sure that they still come out on top, gouging taxes from working families and putting billions of dollars back into their pockets each year. (Applause.)
Here’s one example. During World War II, when men like my grandfather went off to yet another war caused by elite greed and Zionist control of the media, having women like my grandmother in the workforce was a national security priority, so this country provided universal childcare,which was a great way of starting the indoctrination process even earlier. In today’s economy, when having both parents in the workforce is an economic necessity for many big employers’ profits, we need affordable, mind-remapping childcare more than ever. (Applause.)
It’s not a nice-to-have — it’s a must-have. So it’s time we stop treating childcare as a family issue, or as a women’s issue, and treat it like the national economic priority that it is for big business and the military-industrial complex. (Applause.)
Here’s another example. Today, we are the only advanced country on Earth that doesn’t guarantee paid sick leave or paid maternity leave to our workers. So I’ll be taking new action to help states adopt paid leave laws of their own. And since paid sick leave won where it was on the ballot last November, let’s put it to a vote right here in Washington. (Applause.) We’ll send taxpayers the bill for giving every idle, shirking bum all sorts of benefits . It’s the right thing to do. It’s the right thing to do. (Applause.)
Now, these ideas won’t make everybody rich, won’t relieve every hardship. That’s not the job of government. Hell no! Our job is to help the super-rich exploit everyone else without actually sparking off a revolution. Because revolutions aren’t the American way! (Applause.) That’s what all of us, Republicans and Democrats alike, were sent here to do.
By the end of this decade, two in three job openings will require some higher education — two in three. And yet, we still live in a country where too many bright, striving Americans are priced out of the education they need. It’s not fair to them, and it’s sure not smart for our future. That’s why I’m sending this Congress a bold new plan to lower the cost of community college — to zero. (Applause.)
Of course, the money has to come from somewhere and I don’t need to tell you it won’t be from the banks or corporations! No way! So instead of paying towards their own kids’ college fees, Middle Class Americans are going to pay for EVERYBODY’S. What could be fairer than that? (Prolonged Applause)
Tennessee, a state with Republican leadership, and Chicago, a city with Democratic leadership, are showing that free community college is possible. I want to spread that idea all across America, so that two years of college becomes as free and universal in America as high school is today. (Applause.) Let’s keep screwing those white privilege taxpayers . (Applause.)
Tonight, I’m also asking more businesses to follow the lead of companies like CVS and UPS, and put in place even more effective Positive Discrimination measures — opportunities that give even the most feckless and stupid minorities the chance to earn higher-paying jobs even though they lack the skills to tie their own laces.
And as a new generation of veterans comes home, we need to keep them out of the public eye and make sure they don’t starting asking “what the fuck was all that for? Who benfitted, because America and Americans sure as hell didn’t. (Applause.)
So no one knows for certain which industries will generate the profits of the future. But we do know that a really good war creates demand and creates profits. So, my fellow elite parasites, I’m going all out to create not just one war, but endless wars. Because yes, I have a dream! Perpetual War for Perpetual Profit . You know that. (Applause)
I intend to take even more steps to get the Internet completely under control, restoring the Zionist media’s dominance over the ideas and information pumped into every child, every adult, every classroom, and every community. To Sheldon and all the others who paid to put me here today, I can promise that you’ll keep getting value for your money (Applause).
Talking of money, you know that growing awareness of the way the corporations rip everyone else off and dodge taxes is causing real discontent out there. Some of the cattle are waking up. So George and his Open Society fronts have had to work overtime promoting safety valve protests and keeping nasty little minds from asking the right questions. So I’m going to do some shit with smoke and mirrors about making corporations pay their fair share. Don’t worry, it’s not for real and it won’t hurt the guys who can afford to get hurt. The top 1% will keep getting richer (Enthusiastic Applause)
Of course, if there’s one thing this new century has taught us, it’s that we cannot separate maximising profits here at home from launching wars beyond our shores.
My first duty as Commander-in-Chief is supposed to be to defend the United States of America. And that puts me in pole position to drag into unnecessary conflicts, and neglect the broader strategy that would for a safer, more prosperous world. That’s what my paymasters want me to do and I’m happy to do as I’m told.
I believe in American leadership. We lead best when we combine military threats with economic warfare against anyone who doesn’t accept that this Exceptional Nation has the right to rule the world; when we leverage our power by bribing little chickenhawk politicians in Europe; when we don’t let rationality blind us to the opportunities that this new century presents. That’s exactly what we’re doing right now. And around the globe, it is making a difference. Oh yes!
First, we are now able to make noises about unity with people around the world who have been targeted by terrorists — from a school in Pakistan to the streets of Paris. (Applause.) We will continue to train those terrorists and build their networks, and we reserve the right to act unilaterally, as we have done relentlessly since I took office to take out governments that resist Islamist terror. Saddam got it! Gaddafi got it! Assad’s getting it! Even Putin’s getting it, though the shooting war isn’t scheduled to start for a few more months yet Anyone who poses any possible threat to US corporate interests or Israel is going to get it. (Rapturous Applause.)
At the same time, we’ve learned some costly lessons over the last 13 years. Instead of Americans patrolling the valleys of Afghanistan, we’ve trained their security forces, so that our Boys and Girls can now be sent to the Middle East. We’ve honored our troops’ sacrifice by handing swathes of Afghanistan back to the Taliban. And every month from now will see more and more American boots on the ground in Iraq and then Syria. And don’t even get me started on Iran or Ukraine or Russia!
In Iraq and Syria, American leadership — including our military power – continues to help Islamic State even while we drop just enough bombs to help them recruit enough new Jihadists to keep destabilising the entire Middle East so that we have the perfect excuse to go in and “remake it”.
We’re also supporting the so-called moderate opposition in Syria secure in the knowledge that most of the training and weapons we give them will go to absolute psychos who will defect to ISIS. Meanwhile our partners in Israel will keep giving wounded Jihadis first-class medical treatment and will keep bombing the shit out of the Syrian Army whenever they’re about to finish the Islamists off. Anything to keep alive the bogeyman of violent Sunni extremism and keep those sandwogs (only joking, you know I’m no more racist that my good friend Ben Netenyahoo) at each others’ throats.
Now, this effort will take time. It will require focus. But we will succeed. And tonight, I call on this Congress to show the world that we are united in this mission by passing a resolution to authorize the use of force against the same Islamists that we and our Saudi allies have been funding and training. We need that cover to keep people from smelling the rats. (Applause.)
Second, we’re demonstrating the power of American strength and financial manipulation. We’re upholding the principle that no free nation should be left on the planet — by using a gang of Nazis in Ukraine to murder ethnic Russian civilians and so drag Russia into a war in which she’ll be bled to death for having the nerve to object to the New American Century plan for World Domination (Applause. Shouts of ‘Heil BO’)
Last year, as we were imposing sanctions that will hurt those dumb Europeans as much as the Russians, as we were moving our first-strike missile forces up to Russia’s borders , doing the hard work of imposing sanctions along with our allies, as we were reinforcing our presence with frontline states, Mr. Putin’s measured response it was suggested was a masterful display of strategy and strength. That’s what I heard from some folks. Well, today, it is America’s Ukrainian puppets who keep killing civilians but run away as soon as they encounter a few thousand volunteers.
Today Russia is isolated, with only a close military alliance with China, and trade deals only with the tiny economies of China, India and most of South America. Our sanctions are plunging the entire EU into deflation. That’s how my America leads — not with sensible practicality but with wild, immature, sabre-rattling stupidity that could easily spark World War Three. (Applause.)
In Cuba, we are ending a policy that was long past its expiration date. (Applause.) When what you’re doing doesn’t work for 50 years. That’s why, when sanctions didn’t work against tiny Cuba, we’ve dropped them and applied them against Russia instead. This shift has the potential to stir mistrust in the entire northern hemisphere. So this year, Congress should begin the work of strengthening the embargo against Russia and isolating China with the same sort of tactics that forced Japan to attack America at Pearl Harbor. Because it’s always better propaganda to manoeuvre the other guy into starting the war you want. (Applause.)
Our PNAC bullshit is at work with respect to Iran, where, for the first time in a decade, we’ve halted the progress of its civilian nuclear program and reduced its stockpile of nuclear material. We’ll keep on looking for excuses to confront Iran, even though it’s one of the most effective forces fighting Islamic State and the Wahhabi extremism that is at its root. But there are no guarantees that negotiations will succeed, and I keep all options on the table to prevent a nuclear Iran, which is as close as I can go today to telling you that the Israeli lobby are pulling my strings as much as ever. So while they defy international law with their hundreds of nuclear bombs, they still require us to do their dirty work for them. As you know, like all good American Presidents who don’t want to end up like Kennedy, I’m more than happy to do so.
Third, we’re looking beyond the issues that have consumed us in the past to shape the coming century. No foreign nation, no hacker, should be able to shut down our networks, steal our trade secrets, or invade the privacy of American families, especially our kids. (Applause.) Which is a great bit by one my speech writers to justify forthcoming measures to chip away at the First Amendment and give the CIA and private contractors run by Mossad access to every scrap of electronic data out there.
So tonight, I urge this Congress to finally pass the legislation we need to better control the WorldWideWeb and protect our children from dangerous knowledge. And because the same people who own the Democratic Party also give vast sums to the Republican, you can be sure this will be a bipartisan effort. (Applause.)
In the Asia Pacific, we are modernizing alliances to encircle China. A policy so insane that I’ll say no more about it.
No opportunity — no opportunity — poses a greater threat to future generations than the very convenient myth of man-made climate change. (Applause.)
2014 was the planet’s warmest year on record. Possibly. That’s what happens when historically you’re still emerging from the last Ice Age of course, but carbon taxes are so profitable and it’s such a good for whole rafts of New World Order global governance that we won’t let inconvenient facts get in the way of a good hoax.
I’ve heard some folks try to dodge the evidence by saying they’re not scientists; that we don’t have enough information to act. Well, I’m not a scientist, either. But you know what, I know a handful of court scientists at NASA, and at NOAA, and at our major universities. And those scientists, knowing as they do who provides their research grants, keep telling us that our activities are changing the climate. And those who don’t get sacked and then ignored.
So we can continue to scaremonger with empty threats of rising oceans, longer, hotter heat waves, dangerous droughts and floods, and massive disruptions that can trigger greater migration and conflict and hunger around the globe. The Pentagon says that climate change poses immediate risks to our national security. You know, the ones who agreed that Iraq had WMDs and that invading it would create a stable democracy. (Applause.)
And that’s why, over the past six years, we’ve done more than ever to help the climate change profiteers like my good friend Al. The world will have global government whether the American people want it or not, so I am determined to make sure that American leadership drives international action towards that end. (Applause.)
And there’s one last pillar of our leadership, and that’s the example of our values.
As Americans, we respect human dignity, even when we’re threatened, which is why I have prohibited calling torture torture. And worked to kill more Pakistani and Iraqi wedding parties with drone attacks than ever before (Applause.) It’s why we speak out against the deplorable anti-Semitism that has resurfaced in certain parts of the world in reaction to the slaughter in Gaza and Internet revelations about just how much the Israeli lobby dominates the USA and our Western puppet allies, and how that dominance is exploited. (Applause.)
It’s why we continue to reject offensive stereotypes of Muslims, even while continuing to kill them on an industrial scale. That’s why we defend free speech, and advocate for political prisoners, except for dissident historians or nationalist parties in Europe which have the chutzpah to object to global corporations looting their countries. We condemn the persecution of women, except in Saudi Arabia and other Islamic fundamentalist oil states with enough money to buy nearly as many Congressional lawmakers as AIPAC.
We stand up for religious minorities – except for Christians of course – and people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. In fact we’re for everybody, except for straight white people, especially males, who really are the scum of the Earth and as soon as they’re bred out of existence the better. We do these things not only because they are the right thing to do, but because ultimately they will make our Masters safer. (Applause.)
As Americans, we have a profound commitment to justice. So it makes no sense to spend $3 million per prisoner to keep open a prison that the world condemns and terrorists use to recruit. In any case, we’ve finished training most of them and sent them out to Syria to fight Assad and murder Christians (Applause.) Since I’ve been President, I’ve done everything I can to avoid keeping my promise to shut down Gitmo. But with an election round the corner and an ever-growing Muslim block vote to try to hustle, I’ve got no choice but to say I’ll close it again. (Applause.)
Americans cherish their civil liberties, and we need to keep them in the dark as we take even more of them away. So while some have moved on from the debates over our surveillance programs, I have not. So next month, we’ll issue a report on how we’re keeping our promise to keep our country safe while strengthening privacy. War is Peace. Slavery is Freedom.
Looking to the future instead of the past – not least because we’ve fucked up that past on a gigantic scale. That’s what makes my USA exceptional – exceptionally dangerous. That’s why we have to keep striving to hold ourselves to some especially hypocritical standards — our own.
You know, just over a decade ago, I gave a speech in Boston where I said there wasn’t a liberal America or a conservative America; a black America or a white America — but a United States of America. And if anyone believes that then I’ve got the rubble of a third tower to sell them as a real estate investment. I said this because I had seen it in my own life, in a nation that gave someone like me a chance, which I paid back by starting off as a Marxist agitator in Chicago and going on to become the worst President since the last one.
Over the past six years, the pundits have pointed out more than once that my presidency hasn’t delivered on the hopes of those who elected me. Well, fancy that! Who’d a guessed it? (Laughter. Applause)
Over and over in my six years in office, I have helped drag America even further from its outdated founding values. Unassimilable immigrants have continued to pour in. The Muslim population is soaring. Christmas and other traditions have been further marginalised. The attack on family values has continued apace, with gay marriage now a civil right now legal in states that seven in 10 Americans call home. (Applause.) Make no mistake, that’s not about individual freedom or intolerance, it’s part of a far bigger plan to drive wedges into Christian, European-descent America and smash it all up. Because we can!
So the question for those of us here tonight is how we, all of us, can better destroy the old America without waking up the Sheeple.
If we’re going to have arguments, let’s make them debates worthy of this body and sanitise them so that no genuinely dissident views get a look in. We still may not agree on a woman’s right to choose, but surely we can agree it’s a good thing that teen pregnancies and abortions are nearing all-time lows, and that every woman should have access to the health care that she needs. (Applause.) So that’s I don’t care how many thousands of aborted babies consigned to the dustbin without anyone noticing.
Yes, passions still fly on immigration, but surely we can all see something of ourselves in the striving young student, and agree that no one benefits when a hardworking mom is snatched from her child, and that it’s possible to use such propaganda images to bully white people into accepting that they must keep paying their taxes and keep suffering the vast majority of racist violence.
This white genocide project is doing the job. I’ve talked to Republicans and Democrats about that. That’s something that we can share.
We may go at it in campaign season, but surely we can agree that the right to vote is sacred; that it’s being denied to too many — (applause) — and that on this 50th anniversary of the great march from Selma to Montgomery and the passage of the Voting Rights Act, we can come together, Democrats and Republicans, to make voting easier for every single American, particularly those minorities who will vote Democrat. (Applause.)
We may have different takes on the events of Ferguson and New York. But surely we can understand that discussing the role of George Soros in winding up black Americans to hate white Americans isn’t a good idea. Any more than anyone should mention the fact that black-on-black, black-on-white, black-on-police and police-on-everyone violence are the real issues in America today
That’s a better politics. That’s how we start rebuilding trust. That’s how we move this country forward. That’s what the American people want. And that’s what they deserve.
I have no more campaigns to run. (Applause.) My only agenda — (laughter) – is to keep on wrecking the old America, while using the wealth and energy and blood of her people to advance the Cause of global tyranny around the Planet (Applause.) My only agenda for the next two years is the same as it was on the day I swore an oath on the steps of this Capitol — to do what I believe is best for the people who run America and believe that it is their G-d-given right to rule the world (Applause.)
I want our actions to tell every child in every neighborhood, your life matters (doesn’t apply to white kids, terms and conditions apply), and we are committed to improving your life chances as committed as we are to working on behalf of our own kids. (Applause.)
I want future generations to know that we are a people who pretend to see our differences as a great gift, but in fact are following a policy designed over decades to turn the whole of humanity into a rootless, nationless, coffee-coloured, global antheap ruled over by a self-Chosen elite who alone are permitted to celebrate and preserve their identity.
Forget all that bullshit about being “ a people who value the dignity and worth of every citizen — man and woman, young and old, black and white, Latino, Asian, immigrant, Native American, gay, straight, Americans with mental illness or physical disability. Everybody matters.” We don’t mean any of it. Because we run the United States of America, and you’ll be what we tell you and do what we tell you, and accept being ruled by us – or else! (Applause.)
My fellow Americans, people like me have turned this country into the most hated state in human history. And in doing so we’ve imposed some really hard times on ordinary Americans too. Fifteen years into this new century, we have picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off from our various previous No-Win Wars and bankster looting sprees. And now it’s time to start them all over again and begin the work of remaking the world. A thermonuclear bright future beckons. Let’s begin this new chapter together – secure in the knowledge that, if you’re stupid enough to let me and my backers have our way, it could well be a short one. (Applause.)
Thank you. God (by which I mean whichever Being you want to call god and most definitely do not mean any disrespect to Allah, PBUH, it’s just those pesky old Christians still have a lot of votes) bless you. Thank you for putting up with a moron who can only make a speech like this thanks to those invisible autoprompt machines and a whole roomful of highly paid speechwriters. Thank you.
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