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Pollen Hate Crimes

Dat sistah what bees de Mayor ob Lamar Souf Carolina dun called de PO-leeses fo a hate cryme what wuz perpeturated agin’ her when she dun gode out to de car one mornin.

She dun screemed “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” like oney dem sistahs can, and seed dat sticky yaller stuff on dat car what she bees ownin. And it beed on de hubsand’s car, likewise. She dun call it a act of vanadialism an a hate cryme and axed de PO-leeses to investigorate.

Qwite natcherally, affer several days spended investigoratin dis heer cryme, de PO-leeses gots nowhere. Dey fineally axed de first white boyz (what wer happenin’ by dat yaller tape) did dey do dis heer hate cryme? De whyte boyz was perplexorated an dun axed dem whut hate cryme do dat be?

Dey were den tole dat all o’ dat stickey yaller stuff bees sum kine o’ pizon dat wer ment to kill all de blak fokeses.

At dis, dem whyte boyz dun broked owt in de laffin’ fitses, and fell down on de grown a laffin and a howlin like you never dun seed.

Wen dey dun stoped all dat laffin, dey dun tole ‘em dat de yaller stuff ain’t nuttin but pollen frum dem oke trees dat be ober dem cars’s.

Dem dose whyte boyz sed somephun dat made dem blak fokeses stop and scratch dey haids: Dey sed “…eben a mowron noes dat yaller stuff is sho’ ‘nuff pollen, not pizon!”

Lemonjello Jones

Lamar, SC

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Category: American Voice, Establishment News

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